Sunday Smiles
    

     A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me, Daddy, I'm under five."

     A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
     After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."



   A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"


    
     A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"



     After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"



     Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see.  And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said.  "But who's the fourth person?"  Kyle replied, "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.



     The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?"  "No, sir," little Johnny replied, "I don't have to.  My Mom is a good cook."



     During a long sermon, the mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy leaned over to her son and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and he'll have to start his sermon all over again!"  The boy sat still for the rest of the service.



     One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
      Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle toward the door.  Just before reaching the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"



     One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.      
      After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.      
      Rosie sat in the back, shyly raising her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.      
      Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"



     One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. 
     Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"      
      The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts."      
      The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."      
      "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain.
      "Oh, I changed religions and that's where I USED to go to church."



     There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church.      
      The pastor thought to himself, "Oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her." He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.
      The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. "I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to become a member."
      Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he approached her and said, "I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?"
      "Oh, yes," she said. "I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of your church.  He said even He hasn't been able to get into your church yet, and He's been trying for years."



     Fred called a church and asked to speak to the Head Hog of the Trough.      
      Sue B, the secretary, said, "How rude! I'll have you know we would NEVER EVER refer to Pastor as a hog."      
      Fred said, "Okay, then just take a message. Tell him I've come into a bit of money so I was calling to give your church $10,000.
      Sue B replied, "Well, hold the phone, dearie! I think I see that big fat pig coming down the hall right now."



     There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service," announced the pastor.
      After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst -- a visitor who had never attended their church before.
      "My friend," said the pastor, "Didn't you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?"
      "Yes," said the visitor, "and after today's sermon, I suppose I'm just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting."



     At a Wednesday evening church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.      
      "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday.  I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
      As he finished, it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"